


The Heart Chooses

by Willowbrooke



Category: Lewis (TV)
Genre: Brief Reference to Light Bondage, Developing Relationship, First Time, M/M, References to Life Born of Fire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-25
Updated: 2013-11-14
Packaged: 2017-12-30 11:37:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1018156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Willowbrooke/pseuds/Willowbrooke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>'The heart chooses.'</i>  The words James had casually spoken to him echoed in his mind.  And now he wondered, had his heart chosen James?  He decided that he would conduct an 'investigation' to find out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Examining the Evidence

**Author's Note:**

> I had an idea about Robbie sorting out his feelings for James the same way he would approach a case investigation. So, four chapters based on the stages of the investigation. Of course, it all starts with gathering evidence. No beta so all mistakes are mine. Hope you enjoy.

Robbie could almost taste the pint he would be sipping later at the pub and he knew that after this day, it would be a well-earned one. At Innocent's 'request,' he and James were spending a long day methodically working their way through box after box of documents and evidence related to cold cases. 

Their desks were littered with empty coffee cups, scattered files and scribbled notes. The work was slow and plodding and often crossed over into mind-numbing tediousness. Still, Robbie reckoned that any day not spent crouched over a newly-dead body must, in all honesty, count as a good one and in point of fact, they had come up with one or two new avenues to explore on a couple of the cases, so all in all it was proving to be a not bad day.

In spite of this, Robbie had recently begun to find these times, when the work kept them cooped up in the office together, a bit uncomfortable. There were endless hours spent in each other's company in a tightly confined space with little in the way of outside distraction. It was enough of these times, along with Robbie's obsession with an off-hand remark James had made not long ago, that had finally led him to face the fact that he was spending a great deal of time focused on the enigma that was his sergeant, James Hathaway.

 _'The heart chooses.'_ Those were the words James had said to him during the Crevecoeur case when Robbie had wondered how Linda Grahame could be attracted to Stephen Black. And those were the words that kept playing in Robbie's mind over and over. _Bloody hell!_ He wasn't so stupid that he didn't realise the evidence was beginning to add up. Had his heart chosen James? And if so, what did that really mean and what should he be doing about it, if anything? 

It had been some time since James had taken up residence in his thoughts, but Robbie had become adept at justification. Of course he thought about James. After all, their working relationship required a certain level of closeness, trust and concern for the other. He was sure that he knew James better than anyone else did and it worked the other way round. They'd had their moments of discord, of course, but they always managed to work through them and in the end, the pain of those times had only served to strengthen the closeness of their relationship. They were friends as well as partners and Innocent often used them as an example of how a successful team functions. 

So, when had thoughts of James turned from fond concern for a friend and colleague to something more and equally important, where would that lead? He wasn't sure really, but it occurred to him that the best way to solve this mystery would be to approach it the same way he approached solving cases. The first step would be a bit like what they were doing now...reviewing and analysing all the evidence. Next, he would normally try to establish a motive and make a list of possible suspects. After that, he would conduct interviews and follow any leads that arise with the purpose of narrowing down that list of suspects. Of course the final step in any investigation is to identify the perpetrator, obtain a confession and make an arrest. He chuckled to himself as he thought that he should probably refrain from plotting this all out on a whiteboard as was their usual approach. 

He would begin the first step by examining the evidence. He would observe and analyse. Knowing that he wanted to figure this out as quickly as possible, he was finding it difficult to keep his focus on the work. More times than he could count, he found his eyes on James and he began making mental notes of things that intrigued him. Like the way James chewed on his pen and frowned in concentration as he read through notes in files or the way he tapped his finger on the desk and sucked on his bottom lip when he was trying to sort something out in his mind. Even the way his foot moved up and down in time to an unknown beat that no one else could hear. A ball of nervous energy was this lad. Always fidgeting. Robbie supposed that was part of the reason why James was a smoker as it gave him something to do with his hands. Did he find any of these mannerisms and quirks attractive or endearing? The answer was a most definite 'yes.'

He sighed and tried once again to apply his mind to the file he was currently reviewing. They worked mostly in silence but bounced thoughts and ideas off one another throughout day. So, long periods of quiet were periodically interrupted with animated discussions about possible clues that may have been missed or misinterpreted and leads that had not been completely followed. He realized as this was happening how much he enjoyed these mental exchanges with James. They complemented each other well in how they thought through things and they challenged each other to step up their respective games. Yes, he found that very appealing. One more piece of evidence documented.

As they finished a particular discussion and settled back to silence, Robbie found his gaze once more focused on James. 

***

James tried to concentrate on the paragraph he was reading but it was proving difficult as he could feel his boss's eyes on him yet again. He thought he was doing a good job of pretending not to notice, but he found it more than a little disconcerting and a bit worrisome. At one point, he glanced up and briefly locked eyes with Lewis, trying to read what it was he saw in them before the latter casually looked back down at the paper he was holding.

Of course, James's fear was that after all the time that he had successfully managed to hide his feelings, something had given him away. Maybe Robbie was trying to confirm his suspicions or worse, he was sure and was considering how to let James down without hurting him. Then again, maybe he was angry that James had kept yet another secret from him. 

James had to admit, though, that Robbie didn't look worried or angry. How did he look? Curious? Puzzled, perhaps? As though he were trying to figure something out. So, perhaps he didn't know. But if that was not the reason for Robbie's unusual behaviour, what was? Was it something else James had said or done?

He sighed inwardly and knew that he couldn't leave this alone. Since it seemed unlikely that Robbie would volunteer information without prompting, James gathered his courage.

***

"Sir?"

"Mmm?" Robbie responded without looking up from what he was reading.

"Is everything all right? You seem a bit...distracted today. I hope I haven't done anything to cause you concern."

At this, Robbie raised his eyes and looked at James. _Bollocks!_ He thought he was being more subtle, but then, James was remarkably perceptive. At least it appeared the lad hadn't tumbled to the reason for the distraction. There was a look of genuine concern on his sergeant's face.

"No, course you haven't. I'm fine. Just have something on me mind is all. No need to be concerned and it's nothing I shouldn't be able to sort out."

The relief that showed on James's face was echoed in the tone of his reply. "Sir, you know that if there is anything I can do to help, you only have to ask." 

"Aye, I know that and I appreciate it. I may ask for your opinion on the issue at a later point but for now, I just need to think it through."

James nodded and gave Robbie something resembling a crooked half smile and as Robbie smiled back, his stomach did a flip. He found James's myriad facial expressions, that managed to speak volumes without so much as a single word being uttered, completely mesmerising. 

Their brief discussion had managed to relieve some of the tension in the room and the rest of the afternoon passed a bit more comfortably. The easy banter and good-humoured teasing that they normally shared had returned. Robbie took much pleasure in this aspect of their relationship and he particularly enjoyed how James relished mocking him or having him on. Engaging in a battle of wits with James was definitely stimulating and something he enjoyed very much. 

So, it would appear that he had sufficient evidence gathered and analysed. There were any number of things that he found appealing and attractive about James Hathaway. Now he would need some time on his own to interpret exactly what that might mean. 

With that first step of the 'investigation' complete, he was now able to give the files on his desk his full attention.

At around half four, Innocent poked her head around the door. "Any joy? 

Lewis glanced up from the file he was currently reviewing. "A little, ma'am," he replied. "This was found in the same room as the body of Carolyn Hawkins." He handed her the evidence bag that contained the torn and wrinkled piece of paper on which was written 'Coral Reef Ship M....' 

"At the time it was dismissed as having no significance, but James here is pretty certain it's an anagram, though the last bit is missing. Apparently the victim was quite fond of anagrams. We're hoping that somewhere in this mess," he said as he gestured to the four boxes of items related to the case, "is the missing scrap of paper with the last letters. But even without that, so far James has managed to come up with some random words and one name...Michael."

"Ah, well done, James." She flashed him an appreciative smile. "They say brainy is the new sexy." She appeared to be as surprised by the words that had come out of her mouth as Robbie was. At least she had the grace to look more than a little embarrassed as she handed the bag back to him as he carefully stifled a smirk. "Anything else?" she asked quickly.

This time it was James who responded, his cheeks a lovely shade of crimson. "Inspector Lewis found a name buried in one of the files on the Simmons case that appears to have been overlooked in the original investigation. A Mr. David Bedford who is currently living in Bristol. He had a connection to the deceased but for some reason, he was never interviewed. We'll make a trip to Bristol tomorrow and track him down."

"Good. Nice work, gentlemen. I think you've earned an early night."

"Thank you, ma'am," they chorused as they stood in unison to grab their jackets off the backs of their chairs. 

I expect you'll be heading to Bristol first thing in the morning?" At Lewis's nod, she continued. "Right. Keep me informed."

"Yes ma'am."

Once she had disappeared down the hall, Robbie turned to see that James's cheeks were still highly coloured and he wore a look of irritation. The sight of James flushed and bothered made Robbie's stomach do little flip flops again. _Bloody hell._ "So," he said with a grin, wanting a distraction and unable to resist the tease, "brainy _and_ sexy."

James glared at him. "I'm glad you're amused, _sir_. I suppose it's too much to hope that you'll let this drop?"

"'Fraid so, sergeant." Robbie chuckled as he settled his hand on James's back, guiding him out the door and feeling the heat of James' body searing through the layers of clothing, "But I promise never to call you me 'dishy clever clogs' around the nick."


	2. Establishing Motive and Identifying 'Suspects'

Robbie took a long drink from the pint in his hand before setting it back down on the table. He was surprised to realise that in spite of the monotony of the work, he'd found today had been a good day. Not only had he and James discovered a couple of new leads in some old cold cases, but he had also successfully completed the first step in his personal investigation.

Based on all of the evidence he had gathered and analysed, he had determined, without a doubt, that he had feelings beyond friendship for James. What to do about that remained a mystery. 

The next phase of a normal investigation would be to determine motive and develop a list of people who might have had a reason to commit the crime. For the purposes of his investigation, he would equate this with determining what, if anything, he wanted to do about his feelings and then, what actions might help to successfully achieve his defined goal. 

This evening they had chosen to order a quick meal with their pints at the pub instead of take away or a cooked meal at one or the other's flat because James had band practice to get off to. Though Robbie was always happy to spend off duty time with James, tonight James's prior commitment would serve Robbie's purposes too as it would give him the entire evening alone to sort through his options.

Whatever unease had been between them earlier in the day was happily now gone. While they ate, they discussed tomorrow's trip to Bristol as well as the most recent case they had been involved with. And of course, Robbie could not resist taking the mick with James about what Laura might make of Innocent's 'sexy' comment.

"Please sir, I implore you, if you have any kindness or compassion, you will not tell Dr. Hobson. You know I'll never hear the end of it. I played no active part in this...you might say I was an 'Innocent' victim...and yet I will be the one relentlessly tormented if the good doctor hears about it." The look on James's face told Robbie that he was only partly joking.

Robbie laughed. "All right. Easy, lad. I'll spare you this time, but don't think for a second that I won't pull it out and use it next time you're having a go at me for one thing or another."

James glowered at him and they shared a look that made Robbie smile unguardedly at James. James responded with a rare sincere smile of his own that made Robbie's breath catch. 

When they had finally finished their food and a second pint each, James looked at his phone to see the time. 

"Right, well, I've got to stop home and pick up my guitar so I'd best be on my way."

They drained their glasses and walked outside. James pulled out a cigarette and lit it. He took a long drag and slowly exhaled the smoke. 

"Good night sir. See you in the morning."

"Good night James. Enjoy your finger exercises."

James directed a retaliatory comment and a hint of a smile at Robbie, "Thank you sir, I will. And by the way, your cat rang. He suggests you may want to stop and pick up some carpet cleaner on the way home as he has left you yet another gift."

Robbie laughed and replied, "Glad you and Monty are bonding."

Robbie continued to chuckle as they parted ways. He was certainly glad that he had never gotten around to taking Monty to the local shelter after he found him at Stephen Black's place. The cat was no real trouble and bloody good company. Besides, James was becoming very fond of him.

*** 

When Robbie arrived home, Monty met him at the door and proceeded to enumerate his long list of grievances for the day. "All right, I hear you. At least let me change into something more comfortable before you tear into me."

He walked into the bedroom and quickly swapped the suit for his favourite worn jeans and a t-shirt while Monty stood at the bedroom door and continued the discussion. He then led the way to the kitchen and watched without further comment as Robbie took out a tin of cat food and dished some into Monty's bowl. As he set it on the floor, Monty rubbed against his hand and settled down to enjoy his dinner. 

After a cursory glance through today's post, Robbie grabbed a beer out of the fridge and chose his usual spot in the middle of the sofa. He picked up the remote and mindlessly clicked through the channels on the telly before turning it back off again. He took a sip of his beer and tried to sort out his next steps. 

Now that he had admitted to himself how he felt, what did he really want to have happen? 

The first option was...nothing. He could choose to ignore his feelings and he and James would carry on as they always had. This would be easy, but ultimately, not very satisfactory.

He quickly discarded the 'friends with benefits' scenario as well. He had already established that he cared about James and this option reeked of mutual use and abuse. It did however, force him to think about one aspect of all this he had thus far avoided. How did he feel about having a sexual relationship with another man?

He had never been one to shy away from something because it was different or uncomfortable. True, he had never imagined himself being attracted to another man, but he was and things happened every day that he hadn't expected. He didn't think it was a significant issue for him.

Next option. Could they have a romantic relationship that did not include sex? Possibly, but what would be the point? He was fairly sure that he was in love with James and sex was a natural part of any loving relationship. 

So, final option then. He wanted it all. He wanted romance and fireworks, friend and lover, constant companion and soul mate. He wanted to share everything in his life with James. Hell, he even wanted the occasional disappointments, the fights that would come and the glorious making up after. What he wanted was the kind of relationship he had had with Val. Yes, that was very much what he wanted.

Goal set. Now what needed to be done to make that a reality?

It was at this point that Robbie realised that there was one very important variable he had been overlooking. How did James feel? This whole exercise was pointless if there was no chance James might reciprocate his feelings.

So before anything else, he must try to ascertain James's interest in any sort of relationship between them. If he had no interest, this all ends here. Nothing more to be done, but Robbie did not think that was the case and he certainly hoped it wasn't. He had suspected for some time that some of the looks James had directed his way held more than respect and friendship. Still, it must be proven.

Assuming then, that James was interested, what was the best approach to let the lad know how he felt and what he wanted and at the same time persuading James to reveal his feelings?

As James was the only 'suspect' in this case, the obvious answer was to interview him. But, what should Robbie ask him? What questions might get him to talk? Of course, he could just come out and ask James how he felt, but in a crime interrogation, the direct approach was never a great way to get a person to reveal things. No, Robbie would talk around the subject and give James room to hang himself as it were. At the same time, he would find ways to drop hints and begin to let James know what was in his heart. He would have to play it by ear to a certain extent, but he was confident in his abilities to obtain the information he needed to move the investigation forward.

A few more details needed to be sorted, but overall, Robbie was happy with the progress he had made again this evening. He wished all cases were as easy to resolve as this one. But then, the hard part was yet to come. 

Tomorrow on the drive to Bristol he would begin the next phase of the investigation.

As Robbie refocused on the moment, he noticed that Monty had long since finished his dinner and had settled on the back of the sofa not far from Robbie's head.

Robbie reached up and scratched the cat under his chin. "So, what do you reckon, my lad, do you think we have a chance of catching our man?" 

Monty gazed pointedly into Robbie's eyes before looking back down. He raised his paw and began licking the side of it and rubbing it over his face. 

Robbie chuckled and said, "I'll take that as a 'yes' then."


	3. Interrogating the 'Suspect'

After a brief stop at the station to check in and collect the few things they would need for the day, James and Robbie set off for Bristol. They had made contact yesterday with the Avon and Somerset police to liaise with them in the event any assistance might be needed. Their Chief Superintendent had hooked them up with a DI Baker. Robbie had met Baker a couple of times and knew him to be a good detective.

James was driving and traffic was, as usual, heavy and slow moving. By the time they cleared Oxford and made their way south to the M4, the better part of an hour had passed. They used this time to discuss their plan for the day. The man they intended to interview, David Bedford, apparently ran an animal vaccine research company located not far from the city centre on Old Market Street. They hoped to catch him there.

As they drove, Robbie worked his way through the Simmons file one more time. He had reviewed it in detail yesterday and James had taken it home last night to read after his band practice. They discussed several things that might be relevant to their interview and agreed on a few 'trigger' questions regarding little known details of the case that might be used to elicit an unexpected response.

They weren't counting on any breakthroughs, but it had certainly been a missed lead and they were hopeful that it might at least produce another lead. 

Once they had joined the traffic heading west on the M4, they had their interview plan in place and traffic had lightened considerably. They were both quiet for a while and Robbie decided it was time to start his own queries. He began by asking a couple of simple questions.

"How long have you and I been working together now?"

James thought for a moment. "Must be close to five years," he replied.

"Yeah?" Robbie shook his head. "Seems like yesterday when you drew the short straw and had to fetch me from the airport that day. You with your fancy sign standing there. Do you remember the first thing I said to you?"

"'Are you for me?'" James smiled as he recalled that day.

"Aye. Turns out you were. But you must have wondered at the time what you'd done wrong to be saddled with the likes of me."

James was still smiling. "To be honest, sir...yes. But by the time we'd wrapped up the Griffon case I was beginning to think that it may have been one of the luckiest days of my life. I'd never known a DI that was as thorough or as intuitive." He paused a moment before adding. "You made quite an impression on me."

Robbie hadn't expected that and though pleased, he felt a bit embarrassed. Was there a double meaning there? He looked at James, who turned and briefly met his eye before returning his focus to the road. Yes, there was something there, wasn't there?

Robbie looked forward again and said quietly, "You know, you weren't so bad yourself."

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see a crooked half-smile on James's face. "Thank you, sir." 

Robbie couldn't help but be pleased with how this initial conversation was going. And it felt good to finally say some of this to James. He'd thought it all often enough. He took a deep breath before continuing. In for a penny...

"Besides, I reckon I'm the one who was lucky. Coming back to all the memories and all the unknowns in Oxford was one of the hardest things I've ever done and I'd got off on the wrong foot with Innocent. When you asked to be my bagman, I was surprised, but pleased as well. 

"I looked over at you standing there, waiting for an answer and it seemed as if some of the fear and uneasiness I'd been feeling about how I was going to cope with everything just lifted a bit. I know it sounds daft, but just then, I knew that it was all going to get better. It felt like I wasn't completely on me own any more."

After a long pause, James turned briefly to Robbie with a smile before he looked back at the road and spoke. "Thank you for telling me that. I've always felt that I was the one doing all the benefiting from this partnership. I'm glad if I was able to help make your transition back to life in Oxford a bit easier.'

"Well, I should have said so a long time ago, a proper thank you, but then I've never been one for making speeches and sharing feelings."

He caught a smirk on James's face. "Really, sir? You could have fooled me."

"A bit like the pot calling the kettle black isn't it? You're not exactly a breezy extrovert yourself then, are you?"

"So I've been told."

"Anyway, we've had our share of adventures these last few years, eh?"

James nodded and his face suddenly became serious.

"Sir?'

"Yeah?"

"You're not thinking about retirement again are you?"

"What? No! Well, at least not right away. Why?"

"This 'walk down memory lane.' If not that, then what prompted it?"

At this moment, Robbie wished that James was not such a damn good detective. Well, maybe this called for a little truth then. "I've just been thinking lately that things that don't ever get said can often become regrets. I've had enough of those in me life and I don't want any more. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that neither you nor I are good at sharing what's on our minds. Thought maybe it was time we gave it a try. What do you say?"

James appeared to consider that for a moment and then responded, "I'll probably be rubbish at it, but I'm willing to give it a try." 

Robbie smiled. "Fair enough."

They were approaching the outskirts of Bristol, so the conversation returned to the purpose of this trip. Robbie put in a quick phone call to DI Baker to let him know they had arrived and that they would soon be at Bedford's lab.

As they drove into the city, they turned off the motorway onto Temple St and followed that directly to Old Market St. They located the building that housed Bedford's laboratory and were lucky to find David Bedford in the building.

"Mr. Bedford, I'm Detective Sergeant Hathaway, Oxfordshire Police," James said as he flashed his warrant card. "This is Detective Inspector Lewis. We'd like to ask you a couple of questions regarding Ian Simmons. Is there someplace we can speak in private?"

"Yes, of course. Please, come this way." Bedford led them to his office at the back of the building. "I must say, I was surprised the police never spoke to me at the time Ian was murdered. I thought about contacting them, but, well, I didn't really have any useful information so decided against it. In any case, I will be happy to help in any way I can. Such a loss."

Bedford sat behind his desk while Lewis took one of the chairs opposite. Hathaway stood off to the side by the door.

Lewis began the questioning. "Mr. Bedford, can you tell us the nature of your relationship with Mr. Simmons."

"Well, we had known each other for almost a year. We met at a conference in London last summer that brought together experts from around the world who are working on ways to control the spread of swine flu."

"When was the last time you saw him?" 

"I believe it was about a week before he died. I had driven up to Oxford for a couple of days for meetings. Ian and I met a few times while I was there. We had just begun working together on a joint research project that we hoped might lead to the development of an effective vaccine for swine flu in animals." He paused for a moment. "I'm having to carry on by myself now."

James's turn. "How did Mr. Simmons seem to you the last time you saw him?"

Robbie. "Did he give you any indication that he was worried about something or someone?"

James again. "Were you aware of anyone who may have had a reason to kill Mr. Simmons?"

The questions and answers continued without much headway until Robbie asked, "Do you know why Mr. Simmons would have had arsenic in his house?"

"Arsenic? No. But what's that got to do with anything? I mean, I read in the papers that he was stabbed."

And there it was. A surprise, but it couldn't have been simpler. The method used to murder Simmons had never been made public. Robbie turned to look at James who met his eye and nodded imperceptibly. "Well played, sir," James thought to himself.

Robbie, not giving anything away, then asked Bedford another question while James quietly stepped out of the room. He moved outside and dialed DI Baker's number. He spoke for a few minutes before returning to the room.

"Mr. Bedford," Robbie began as he saw James re-enter the room, "we have some further questions for you and we'd like to ask you to accompany us to the police station."

"What? Now? But that's impossible. I have a very important experiment going at the moment. I'd be happy to stop in tomorrow and answer anything you like."

"I'm sorry sir, but we're going to have to insist. Sergeant Hathaway will come with you while you sort out your issues with your research."

Robbie pulled out his phone and reported in to Innocent while James stuck with Bedford as he made arrangements for his assistant to take over the monitoring of the experiment.

As they walked outside, the squad car and uniformed officers arrived to take Bedford to the station. Lewis and Hathaway followed. It was a short drive and there was little time to talk. They focused on their approach to the next phase of the interrogation.

Baker was waiting for them when they arrived. "Lewis, nice to see you again. And you must be Sergeant Hathaway." Baker shook hands with both of them. "Your suspect has been taken to Interview Room 4. Anything else I can do to be of assistance?"

After an hour of careful and thorough interrogation, they had their confession. Turns out that Simmons and Bedford had disagreed on who should get credit for the research they were doing to produce a new vaccine that showed great promise in eradicating swine flu on the animal side.

"The arrogant bastard thought that he could get away with claiming all my work as his own. All the years I had put into this and he thought that because he was some bloody Oxford god that I should step aside and let him publish everything in his name. Needless to say, I disagreed. He told me that if I didn't, he would find a way to ruin my career. Obviously, I couldn't let that happen. He didn't look so smug when I stuck that knife into him."

When Bedford had finished his rant, Lewis stood. "Mr. Bedford, would you please stand? David Bedford, I'm arresting you for the murder of Ian Simmons. You do not have to say anything, but it may harm you defense if you do not mention, when questioned, something which you later rely on in court. Anything you do say may be given in evidence."

And so it was over. Arrangements were made to have Bedford transferred to Oxford the following day and the remaining paperwork was finalized fairly quickly. Lewis made another phone call to Innocent to report the results. Baker offered to stand them a round of drinks, but Lewis declined. "Appreciate it, but we've got the drive and paperwork waiting for us back in Oxford. Another time. And thanks again for the assist. Let us know if there's ever anything we can do to return the favour."

The events of the day had actually progressed quite quickly and they were surprised to be on the road back to Oxford around half two.

They were both very pleased with the outcome of the day and spent some time discussing their good fortune.

"That was nicely done, sir. You set him up and he walked right into it."

"Yeah, well, we got bloody lucky. This could just as easily have turned out to be a dead end."

"True, or the case could have been left in the hands of another DI and Bedford would still be a free man. I would go so far as to say that if this had been our case to begin with, he would have been brought to justice much sooner. In the spirit of 'sharing', sir...you're very good at your job."

"Appreciate that, but I've told you before, I'm only half of this team. We're each only as good as the other makes us." 

Once they'd settled back into the traffic flow on the M4, Robbie knew it was time to continue his earlier conversation with James. This next bit was going to be difficult but if anything was ever going to work between them, he needed to get past this very large obstacle first. Honesty had paid off this morning and as this had been weighing on him for such a long time, he decided on the honest approach again. The guilt he carried regarding this was always with him and if things were ever going to move forward between them, he needed to let go of that guilt first. 

He took a deep breath and began, "So, seeing as how we agreed to try talking a bit more, I've got one more thing that should have been said long ago and this isn't going to be easy. It has to do with the Will McEwan case."

James was looking distinctly uncomfortable and started to speak, "Sir, I really..."

"I owe you an apology, lad. A very big one."

James looked gob-smacked. "What? Sir, I'm the one who compromised the investigation and withheld information from you. You would have been well within your rights to have me busted down to uniform. I'm the one that needs to apologize. I know I should have removed myself from that case, but..."

"Yeah, you should have, but I think I understand why you couldn't. Why it was so important for you to see it through. And I accept your apology, but that doesn't change what I need to say.

"James, it was obvious how tormented you were by what happened to Will and I knew that you were blaming yourself. You tried to tell me and I could see the pain you were in and I just walked away." 

The look on James's face was hard for Robbie to see. He hadn't wanted to put James through this again, but he needed to explain. "Sir..."

"No, let me finish. You reached out to me and I walked away. I was only thinking of myself and how angry and betrayed I felt. Instead, I betrayed you. I betrayed our friendship. I should have been there for you when you needed me and I wasn't. Not sure I'll ever be able to forgive myself for that. 

"Course I soon realised that there was no way you could be honest with me when you couldn't be honest with yourself, but by then it was too late. I'm truly sorry, lad. You deserved better from me and I wish things had been different. I made a vow after that I would never turn my back on you again and I hope I haven't."

James was quiet for a long time, focused on the road. When he finally turned and looked at Robbie, he smiled.

"I thought I was the one with all the built-in Catholic guilt."

Robbie gave a relieved laugh. "Yeah, well, you've cornered a large share of the market no mistake, but there's still some left over."

"Sir..."

"James, do you suppose that maybe, at least while we're sharing our guilt, that you might try calling me Robbie?"

"Robbie...first of all, thank you and I accept your apology as well though I don't feel it was needed. You didn't let me down and I've never blamed you for how you reacted. You were actually there for me when I really needed you. You're conveniently forgetting the fact that you saved my life that day."

Robbie wanted to say that if he had listened instead of storming off, James wouldn't have needed saving, but he held his tongue. This was done now and he certainly felt better. He hoped James did as well.

"Right, well I think we've actually talked this one to death, no pun intended. Time to put that particular incident to rest now."

There was silence between them for a time and then James spoke again.

"Si...Robbie, are we going to be reliving, in excruciating detail, every one of our best and worst moments from the past five years during these little 'talks' of ours? It's fine, but if we are, might I suggest that next time we do it over a pint or two or a nice bottle of wine rather than in the car after a long day while I'm trying to focus on getting us safely back to Oxford?"

Robbie laughed at that. "Point taken. I'll shut me gob for the rest of the drive home. When we're back at the station, we can get the last of the paperwork that has to happen today taken care of and then we'll call an early night. Don't know about you, but not eating since this morning is catching up with me. Take away & a bottle of wine at mine when we finish?"

"Yes, sir," James responded with a smile. Robbie gave him a look, but James explained, "We're back on duty now, 'sir.' Besides, old habits die hard."

***  
Innocent caught them in the hallway as they walked to their office. "Ah, the Dynamic Duo have returned and once again saved the day. Excellent result."

"Thank you, ma'am," Robbie responded, "reckon we got lucky."

"Well, that may be, but if you hadn't spotted that name in the case file, we'd still be nowhere. I'll look forward to reading the full report. I'd say you've earned yourselves a weekend off the rota once this case is wrapped up."

"That's very generous ma'am, thank you." 

James and Robbie quickly finished the paperwork necessary to ensure things were in place for Bedford's arrival tomorrow. "Indian or Chinese?" Robbie asked as they were shutting down their computers.

"Indian."

"Right. What do you want? Thought I could order now and it will be ready when I get there. Not sure I have any wine in the house, so if you could stop at the off license while I pick up the food, we'll meet back at mine. You have your key if you get there first." 

Robbie picked up the phone to place their order.

"See you there, sir."

The day had gone well in every way. As he was driving to pick up the food, Robbie was feeling quite hopeful that tonight he might be able to obtain the confession he was looking for and finally get his man.


	4. Confession Obtained, Investigation Wrapped

James was the first to arrive at Robbie's place. He let himself in with the spare key Robbie had given him ages ago and he was immediately taken to task by a rather loud and surly cat.

"Sorry, can't help you. Your lord and master will be home soon enough." Monty, however, was not to be put off and proceeded to wind himself through James's legs as he tried to walk to the kitchen, nearly tripping him. "Listen you, if it's a choice between me falling or me stepping on you, you will be stepped on. You won't starve in the next five minutes, so back off. I say that with love." Monty jumped up on the counter and glared at James, who smiled fondly at the cat and reached out to scratch him under the chin. James then put the beer and the white wine in the fridge. He found the corkscrew in its usual place in the drawer by the fridge and opened the red to let it breathe.

Taking advantage of this time alone, he shed his jacket and tie and, leaving Monty to sulk, he stepped outside for a cigarette. As he took the first drag, he focused his mind on trying to make sense of what had happened between Robbie and him today. What had brought about this sudden interest in sharing feelings and sorting out old unfinished business? 

Regardless of Robbie's motivation, James had to admit that it felt good to talk as they had today. Though it had been hard to be reminded of the difficult time surrounding Will's death, there had been some resolution for him in this afternoon's discussion. And the earlier talk about the time when they had first met had been quite positive. The two conversations were very different in nature, but each had served to draw the two of them a bit closer together. Still, he couldn't help but wonder why Robbie had initiated them and why now?

And what about all those secretive glances Robbie had directed his way yesterday? Something was definitely on his boss's mind and he wanted to know what it was.

Whatever had prompted Robbie' actions, it seemed logical to assume that the purpose was a desire to re-define their relationship in some way. But the million pound question was 'why?'

"Come on Hathaway," James thought to himself. "You're a detective, think it through. You can figure this out." He proceeded to mentally catalogue the various possibilities. What was the most likely reason?

The obvious one was just what Robbie had implied...that he had decided that leaving things unspoken could lead to regrets in the future. Robbie had also alluded to the fact that his behaviour during Will's investigation had been weighing on him for some time. So...clearing the air and unburdening himself then. Made sense. 

But James was convinced that there was more to it than that. Besides, in their conversation earlier in the morning, Robbie had spoken quite honestly of the time when they had first met and begun their partnership. That certainly wasn't about easing guilt. That had to have been a statement intended to let James know that Robbie valued him not only as his sergeant, but also as a friend. 

And Robbie had made a point of wanting more of that type of communication between the two of them in the future. Based on all of that evidence, James finally allowed himself to imagine that perhaps it was because Robbie was interested in something beyond friendship between them. 

He turned the idea over in his mind a few times and, though cautious about getting his hopes up, this did seem to be a real possibility. It would also be an explanation for the studied looks he was getting from Robbie yesterday. Perhaps Robbie was looking for some indication that James might share his desire for taking their relationship in that direction?

James had become so adept at hiding his feelings over the years, he knew it would be a challenge to finally let his guard down and allow Robbie to see what was there. But he also knew that if he didn't take advantage of this glimmer of hope he would regret it for the rest of his life. 

Quite unexpectedly, the time when he and Robbie had discussed why Linda Graeme had run off with Stephen Black popped into his head. He had spoken without thought that day when he said to Robbie, "The heart chooses." He understood all too well that sometimes the heart makes unlikely or unwise decisions. His own heart had made it's choice long ago and he had been prepared to live with the hopelessness and the pain of that choice. But what if there was a chance that Robbie might reciprocate his feelings?

By the time Robbie arrived with their food, James had made a decision. If Robbie gave him any indication tonight that the door might be open for a deeper relationship, James would make it clear that he was more than interested. He knew it was a risk, but it was one he knew he had to take. 

***

When Robbie pulled up, he saw that James was standing outside having a cigarette. He sincerely hoped that tonight would go as well as the rest of the day had. He had, after all, a vested interest in getting this little investigation wrapped up in a timely manner.

As he walked towards his sergeant and their eyes met briefly, he thought he detected something out of the ordinary there. A question maybe? Or...suspicion? He set the thought aside for the moment. For now, what he really needed was food in his stomach. 

"It was touch and go for awhile as to whether or not all of this food was going to make it here intact. The aroma nearly drove me mad and my stomach's cursing me for ignoring it all day."

James smiled. "Thank you for restraining yourself, sir. Sorry...Robbie. And I'm happy to report that I managed to stay out of the wine. But I'm afraid your cat will have to be dealt with before we'll be given any chance at a peaceful meal."

Monty was waiting for them at the door, and noisily led the way to the kitchen. This time it was Robbie who had to dance around the cat's various body gyrations. He did so with a skill that comes from experience. "Steady on, lad," Robbie said as he deftly stepped first this way, then that. "Let me get there in one piece and I'll get you sorted."

"Very impressive footwork, sir. I need to take lessons."

"You could have fed him you know."

"I've never fed a cat. Besides, he only wanted me to believe that he was going to keel over at any moment. Show me, and I'll deal with him next time."

Robbie showed James where the food was kept and how much to give him. Monty looked up at James once as if to say, "See, you could have done this," before he returned his focus to his bowl and resumed eating.

"Is that it? I guess it's not that hard. I'll know for next time. Now, I'll get our drinks while you get the plates. Red or white wine or beer?"

"You didn't have to get all that. Whatever you're having is fine."

"Red wine then." James pulled two wine glasses out and carried them, plus the bottle, into the sitting room and set them on the table in front of the sofa, their usual spot. 

While he did that, Robbie also shed his jacket and tie, then got plates, silverware and serving spoons and carried it all to the same table.

Soon they were devouring the excellent food and conversation was at a minimum until they had each moved from starving to stuffed. The wine glasses were refilled and by then, Monty had moved from the kitchen to his favorite spot behind them, on the back of the sofa.

They took a moment to clear the dishes and put the leftovers in the fridge. James stepped outside for another quick smoke.

When they re-settled on the sofa, Robbie poured the last of the red wine into their glasses.

"I feel almost human again," James said as he took a sip of wine. "Remind me again why we sacrifice life's basic needs for this job?"

"Because, sergeant, we are making the world a better place and sometimes making personal sacrifices in order to put criminals behind bars is part of it."

"Well, as long as it's not every day," James said, "I can live with that. Today was a good day and I have no problem with making that sacrifice today. It felt particularly good as this was a cold case." He held up his glass. "To you...Robbie, for your excellent detective work and for your ability to make people comfortable enough that they let down their guard and give themselves away."

"And to you, James, for being damn good at your job and for always being there to have me back."

They clinked glasses and drank. 

Both were quiet for a time, each lost in his own thoughts. Robbie was the first to speak as he turned to face James on the sofa.

"Well, now that we're well fed and have drink in hand, I wonder if we might carry on a bit of our earlier conversation?"

James deliberately looked into Robbie's eyes and attempted to convey his willingness to explore whatever Robbie wanted to.

"You lead and I'll follow," James said with a hint of a smile. "But first, let me get the next bottle of wine. I have a feeling I may need it." James rose and went to retrieve the bottle of white from the fridge.

While he was gone, Robbie tried to gather his thoughts. He definitely felt something different from James. Now or never, he thought as James returned with the new bottle and filled their glasses again.

"OK, I'm armed and ready." James smiled as he set the bottle on the table and sat back down, facing Robbie.

Robbie took a breath and began, "Actually, this one is more about me talking and you listening. I know I've never spoken much about Val. Early on, it was just too painful and you and I were still finding our way with each other and sorting out our relationship.

"After that, there just never seemed to be a right time. But there are some things I want you to know. She was a bonny lass and a wonderful wife and mum and I miss her every day, but that's the obvious bit. 

"It takes a special person to be married to a copper. Val had an amazing strength and infinite patience and she never complained about all the times I should have been there and wasn't because of the job. And she never made me feel guilty about it. She kept me grounded and knowing that she was there to go home to at the end of the day helped to get me through the tough cases."

James quietly took a sip of his wine and was completely focused on what Robbie was saying.

"One of the hardest things for me when I came back was knowing that I was going home to an empty house. Some nights, being alone seemed like more than I could cope with. The thing is, James, those were the nights you'd invite me round for dinner, or to the pub for a pint or show up at mine with take away. Don't know how you always knew, but you did. At some point, I stopped thinking about the empty house, even when I was there on me own, because I didn't feel alone any more. You helped me find a new way of coping with the difficult days. 

"And in the interest of clearing the air again, I had no right to suggest to you that day that you needed a partner. Just because it was important for me, doesn't mean it is for you. Guess what I really should have said was that I wanted you to find whatever gives you peace and makes you happy."

James knew he would never have a better lead-in than that. He took a deep breath, summoned his courage and reached over to take Robbie's glass from his hand. He set both glasses on the table and then moved closer to take Robbie's hand in his own. "Seems I already found that when I wasn't looking. I'm glad that those evenings were important for you and yes, I could sense when you really needed me there, but I assure you, I benefited from those evenings every bit as much, if not more, than you did. 

"I can't really say for sure when I first realized that the feelings I had for you were more than concern for a good friend, but once I figured it out, even though I knew nothing could ever come of it, I _was_ happy and at peace." 

At this point, he began to hesitate. "Of course, I understand that you can't return my feelings and I hope that this won't change things between us. I would never have said anything, but with the nature of the discussions we've had today, it just didn't feel right to keep it to myself."

And just like that, James, in typical James fashion, began to over-think it all and right on cue, all of his deep-seated doubts and insecurities bubbled to the surface. "I mean, I hope you don't feel that our working together now will be too difficult. I assure you that it won't be a problem for me as I've been coping with it for some time and I hope that you can treat me as you always have."

Robbie was watching James's meltdown with an affectionate look on his face which, James, in his current state of distress, failed to notice.

"But, if it really makes you uncomfortable, I could always resign. You know I've been thinking of getting out anyway and..."

"James." Robbie had to put him out of his misery. "Just stop talking now." Robbie pressed his fingers to James's lips to keep him quiet while he shook his head and gave his sergeant a grin. When James could only manage to look confused, nervous and unsure, Robbie continued, "Right. Guess it's up to me then." 

With that, he moved his hand to cup James's face, all the while staring at his lips with desire. He then ran the back of his fingers over the late evening stubble that was evident there and was surprised to discover that he was very much aroused by the feel of it. Finally, he leaned in and placed his lips on James's. The kiss was gentle at first, as though he were testing the waters. When he discovered that it was really no different than kissing a woman and that he liked it very much, he gave himself over to the pleasure of it all and proceeded to kiss James thoroughly and completely. 

After getting over his initial shock that Robbie was actually kissing him and doing so with surprising skill and passion, James sighed and returned the kiss with all of the pent up emotion and longing that he had kept under wraps for so long. 

They eventually pulled back to catch their breath and Robbie smiled with wonder. "Jesus, James. If I had known kissing you would feel like that, I'd have rethought this whole sexual orientation thing ages ago."

James let out a relieved laugh and moving closer, brought their lips together again and this time, he took the lead. His tongue eagerly traced Robbie's bottom lip and then demanded entry to his mouth where their tongues played a lovely hide and seek game.

James's hands slowly moved from caressing Robbie's face to his waist. He grabbed hold and pulled Robbie close enough that their mutual arousals became evident to the other for the first time.

The shock of that caused Robbie to break their kiss and he sucked in a quick breath. James waited to see what he would do next but Robbie immediately recovered, laughed softly and reached up to unbutton James's shirt. All he could think about was getting his hands on the soft, pale, warm skin underneath.

James felt a slight shiver of apprehension as he realized that this really was going to happen. How long had he waited? He knew that he needed to get Robbie to the bedroom where they could take their time getting to know each other on this whole new level. 

He reached up to still Robbie's hand and received a questioning look in return. He smiled warmly and said, "Not here." With that, he stood and reached out his hand to Robbie, who took it without hesitation. Hands still clasped, James led the way to Robbie's bedroom. At the door, he hesitated briefly, as if to ask 'are you sure?' The look he received back from Robbie which held desire, tenderness and trust was all the answer he needed. 

They took quick turns in the bathroom. James went first and when Robbie returned, James had already shed his shirt, socks and trousers and was laid back on the bed looking up at Robbie as he made his way toward the bed.

The sight of James near naked in his bed caused the older man's breath to catch. The lad was beautiful in every way, inside and out. He stood quietly appreciating for a moment and then suddenly broke into a huge grin.

"What?" James was not at all sure whether to be flattered or offended.

"Looks like I got my confession then. Reckon my investigation is all wrapped up."

Confusion showed in James's face for a moment before he figured it out. "Ah," he said smiling, "so that's what all the intimate conversations were about. Getting me to confess my undying love."

Robbie smiled and nodded as he began unbuttoning his shirt.

"I told you that you were very good at your job," James said. "I caved under your masterful interrogation techniques." A playful smile touched his lips. "Time to make the arrest then."

Robbie had his shirt off and was unzipping his pants.

"Are you going to handcuff me, Inspector Lewis? You should, you know, I may try to escape. Please?" James now had a cheeky grin on his face as he held his hands out together in front of him.

At this point, Robbie was down to his boxers and was moving towards the bed. He laughed at that. "Maybe next time, but I will read you the caution."

"Ah, how very professional of you, sir. Go on then."

Robbie joined James on the bed and took a position kneeling above James, straddling him. He leaned down for a slow, sensual kiss. "Sergeant Hathaway, you don't have to say anything." He paused long enough to move his head lower and trail kissed from James's belly up to his neck. "But moans and other indications of pleasure and approval are most welcome and will definitely be used in evidence." He leisurely kissed his way to James's mouth where he lingered, unable to get his fill.

James obliged him with an appreciative noise as he smiled under Robbie's kiss. Meanwhile, James's hands, which had been moving lower and lower down Robbie's back, suddenly reversed course and reached up to take hold of Robbie's arms. With one quick and unexpected move, James grabbed the arms, pushed himself forward and rolled them both over so that James was now in the dominant position. He smiled hungrily down at Robbie, who was momentarily startled, but quickly recovered and laughed out loud.

"Well now, Innocent will be happy to know that all that money she spent on training you to gain the upper hand in any situation hasn't been wasted."

James laughed as well. "One can never have too much practice. Though it's probably best not to tell her exactly how I'm getting that practice."

He leaned down as though to meet Robbie's lips but at the last moment, he turned his head and moved his mouth close to Robbie's ear instead. His breath tickled as he whispered sensually, "You're mine now Robbie Lewis and I intend to have my way with you." 

With that, he pulled back enough so that he could reach down and hook his thumbs under the band of Robbie's shorts. He tugged them down and with Robbie's help, they hit the floor. His quickly followed. He leaned down once more and this time each reacted to the pleasurable feel of bare skin against bare skin, arousal against arousal. 

With a look of joy on his face, James was the last to speak. "I think it's time for a little conversation of the non-verbal kind."

Robbie smiled, nodded and reached up to pull James into another kiss as they both tumbled headlong into a new chapter of their relationship.

***

James's long limbs were wrapped at odd angles around Robbie as he tried for as much physical closeness between them as was possible. He had a relaxed and sappy smile on his face that showed no sign of stopping. Robbie's face was pretty much a mirror of James's and he was revelling in being enveloped in a 'James' cocoon.

Robbie knew that there would be time later to remember and relive again each detail of what had happened between them tonight and to bask in the glorious new sensations the experience had produced. He was amazed at how natural and wonderful it had all felt. 

But for now, the long and eventful day was catching up with them both. Monty had sneaked in and made himself a nest at the foot of the bed which only added to the peacefulness that was overtaking them. Just as Robbie was beginning to doze off, James suddenly sat up with a wide-eyed look on his face.

"Sir?"

"Mmm?" Robbie responded sleepily.

"It's Professor Michaels."

"Sorry, what?" Robbie was confused now and trying to focus.

"The anagram from the Carolyn Hawkins case, "Coral reef ship...moss.' The last word is 'moss' and the answer is 'Professor Michaels,' whoever he or she is."

This time, Robbie took a deep breath. "James, for the love of god, do you suppose you could turn that bloody brain of yours off for five minutes? And, seeing as how you're naked in me bed and we've just...you know...maybe you could try calling me Ro..." At this point, he gave up and said, "Never mind, we'll deal with it all tomorrow, eh?"

James cheeks flushed and he looked a bit sheepish. "Sorry, sir, yes. Robbie...sorry...it just popped into my head...right...tomorrow." 

Robbie gave him an affectionate smile and said, "'It's all right, you can't help being yourself and I don't want you to change. Goodnight, love."

"Good night." James settled back down on top of Robbie. 

There was a long pause and Robbie was beginning to doze again. "Robbie."

"What now?"

James reached up and placed a gentle kiss on Robbie's forehead. "Nothing, just ...Robbie."

He moved to Robbie's cheek and left another soft kiss. "Robbie."

Next he nuzzled his neck. "Robbie." And then a long, lingering kiss on the lips.

The recipient of those kisses was now wide awake and looking at his sergeant with obvious desire.

"Robbie...you do realize that we've talked more today than we have in the last five years?" 

"Is that what they call it these days...'talking?'" Robbie was grinning at him.

"Very funny, _Sir_. Still, it might be beneficial to have these little 'talks' every day from now on." James grinned, pleased with his little joke.

"Aye, I'm sure it will be, but for now...sleep."

"Mmm," James responded as he settled back into the warmth of this wonderful new normal.


End file.
